LIFE IS CHALLENGING! SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL ILLNESS, TEEN REFUSING TO GO TO SCHOOL? WHAT IS A PARENT TO DO?

 We tried to be good parents to the best of our ability and sought solutions to the very great challenges with our daughter. We tried different therapists along with group and individual DBT therapy Dialectical behavior therapy.

Our daughter refused to go to school, it was her senior year, I wanted nothing more than for her to graduate. She was smart, she scored in the top percentile on an AP exam, she was plenty capable. She missed too many days, so she was put into online classes. She refused to do her school work, she said it was boring. She was going to one of the best schools in the state, but she longed for DeLaire High School where Dara Colt teaches.

Our daughter insisted we enroll her in a different school, so we did. Covid forced closure and she was put in online classes again. She refused to do her work again. I offered to hire a tutor, she pretended to be sick an hour before the tutor arrived. I had to cancel and pay the tutor. She made it clear she did not want a tutor. At some point she was kicked out of school for not doing her work, she only had 2 classes to graduate. At that point we were wiling to cheat and do the work for her, but she wouldn't allow it or allow any help.

Because of all the school issues she was in therapy. We were hoping a therapist could help her to sort through whatever issues were preventing her from finishing school. We had moved during her junior year of high school, and that would be rough for any teenager. It seemed there was something or someone invisible telling our daughter she did not have to go to school.

 Therapy was filled with more challenges. An example was when my daughter was going to cut her hair, She had such beautiful long blond hair, I found it disappointing that she wanted to cut it. I was shamed by the therapist for admiring her hair. When I mentioned she only wanted to eat fast food all the time, I was again ridiculed. I was told she was young and eating bad food would in no way harm her, that I was wrong. 

The therapist delivered the message that our daughter wanted to be put on medication. I could not believe it, my daughter that hated swallowing Tylenol and insisted on the children's version wanted medication?  I was shamed, told it was her body and her choice. I was told what a horrible mother I must be to not take my daughter to the doctor to be put on meds. I wondered who or what had convinced my daughter to take antidepressants. Where was my daughter getting this information? My husband did not argue like I did, after all they were the experts not me. 

Then there were the suicide attempts, our daughter attempted suicide 3 times. The first time was at school. We convinced the emergency room to send her home instead of a mental hospital. Even though others would have been expelled from school for bringing a large razor blade, they allowed her to return. The school was more than accommodating for her, but she hated the school. 

The second attempt she went to a mental hospital and it was there they placed her on medication. She would call from the hospital crying wanting to come home. This made me cry after she hung up. She got what she wanted medication. The experts only had praises for the medication, while I was not convinced it would help her.

The medication did not agree with her. I told this to the therapist, but she ignored me for weeks. My daughter quit taking a shower started wearing jackets even in the house, she wore a jacket outside on hot days. She stayed in her room most of the time.

 Medication was switched several times as the medication did not agree with her. I fought to keep the doses low. I was confused as to why lifestyle changes were not tried, diet fresh air exercise. Studies show there are therapies besides medications that help depression. I fought to have my daughter's vitamin d level checked. No one wanted to pay attention to the fact studies show low vitamin d levels cause suicide attempts. 

Even when we all came down with flu-like symptoms and I took my daughter to the doctor she refused to take the medication. I did not understand why that medication was refused, but my daughter insisted upon taking larger and larger doses of mental health medication. Where was our daughter getting this information from?

After many weeks they finally agreed to test her vitamin d, and her levels were extremely low. I was told medication was temporary until the vitamin d levels were normal again. I was questioned and told that I must not love my daughter and want her better since I did not want her on this medication? I was told medication would keep her from attempting suicide.  Even though the label clearly states in young adults and teens suicide attempts are a side effect. No one went over the dangers only the benefits of medication.

There was a third suicide attempt on my birthday. My oldest son took me out for breakfast, and we invited my daughter to come along. She refused. I was sure she would be okay. We got home and she was gone. I was very upset. Finally we got the call that she was at the hospital. She even attempted suicide in the hospital. The hospital was negligent and did not follow proper procedures.  I sat at the hospital for over 24 hours without food or water because I was so concerned about her, even though she refused to see us. 

We argued with the hospital over where they were taking her. The mental hospital they wanted to send her was questionable, then another was across the state. They finally sent her to the one she previously went to the first time.  Then of course she called wanting to come home as she did before. We were glad to get her home. 

We tried a different therapist along with DBT group and individual  DBT therapy. It took a bit to get her into DBT therapy. I so much wanted DBT therapy to work out, because they teach skills not push medications. We believed DBT was a great addition to therapy and could help her.

Before we ever went to see the new therapist I discussed my views about medication with the new. She led me to believe she agreed, but instead it was the opposite. She ended up giving me a speech about brain chemistry. I asked her for the science behind that. She wanted my daughter to be put on a third medication!  

My daughter was kicked out of DBT therapy, they found her a liability, She refused the DBT individual therapy. Life goes on. I was not happy with the medication. I had been reading about Peter Breggin MD PHD a Harvard trained psychiatrist and top expert in psychiatry without meds and was on the staff of NIMH, he has been on the staff of Johns' Hopkins University. He has authored several best selling books including "Medication Madness: A Psychiatrist Exposes the Dangers of Mood-Altering Medications" "Your Drug May Be Your Problem: How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medications" " Psychiatric Drugs: Hazards to the Brain" to name a few

 I found someone who was trained in his methods. She was willing to work with us to get our daughter off the medication, to help her. I was glad to find someone like her. We wanted this to be a gentle transition, We wanted to start it out as family therapy. I asked the therapist to help and not mention it to our daughter just yet. This therapist did just the opposite. She even yelled at me when I took my daughter to her appointment. My daughter refused to get in the car and come home. Her brother had to pick her up. I wasn't getting along with the therapist because I believe she misled me regarding her view about medication.  My daughter became so demanding at times it was unbearable. As a parent you can feel like you are being blackmailed, because you fear if you don't do what your teen wants they may attempt suicide again. 

When it came time to see the new therapist with a PHD trained in Dr. Breggin's methods our daughter refused to see her, my daughter called her a quack. She demanded to pick out who the family therapist is, otherwise she would not go. We drove her there for several weeks, she sat in the car and refused to go in. This lady who held a PHD pointed out how the young therapist may not have the experience she claimed, how I should be researching licenses and other things I didn't understand. All I understood was I wanted my daughter back to herself, not on harmful medication for the rest of her life. 

Our daughter was working again, this time with her father after she quit her previous job. She asked to go to see a specific therapist and said she would use her own money to pay. I gave up, I was defeated, I was fighting a losing battle. It seemed she was never getting off the medication. I wanted her to be her best, do her best, I knew my daughter was better than this. I did not understand how quitting school, and taking SSRIs was the best life had to offer for her. It seemed I was the only person in the world who believed my daughter was strong and capable  of better, the only one who believed she could be wonderful without taking medication.

Even with covid and some business closed one day she demanded my husband take her to get a haircut, she wanted a haircut immediately. He took her to the $6 place. I had usually taken her to someone experienced, someone who taught others. When she came back all her beautiful hair was gone. It was shorter than her dad's hair. I was shocked. It was hard for me to see her like this. I tried to pretend I didn't notice. 

 But of course things were twisted not to show I had admiration for her hair, or disappointment she cut it, but to make me out to be some monster that was trying to control her. I was labeled horrible for not showing admiration for her new short hairstyle that I wasn't fond of. Now you are labeled a bad parent if you don't like something your child does. I didn't understand why the stylist didn't admire my daughter's beautiful hair and suggest possible hairstyles before it was cut.

I am not defending my stance against SSRi drugs which stand for Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor,; the list of  side effects list speak for themselves. do your research and follow the money. Ask questions. Does it appear experts know how to get people on medication, but not how to get people off medication?  All it takes is reading one of Dr. Peter Breggin's books to see the truth about how harmful these medications can be. My daughters mental illness and multiple suicide attempts are one of the main reasons we were so concerned when she first went missing. Medication can fog your mind. I was concerned that someone would take advantage of her mental illness. She is young and vulnerable. 

People can use medication to gain control of another, keep them in a fog so they can't think clearly. Those with mental illness can be easy targets for those with less than honorable intentions. This concerned us. It did not seem to concern law enforcement, Georgia Board of Education, Running county School superintendent,  DeLaire High School principal, no one cared. All they cared about was she was an adult, and because of her age they considered her responsible. To this day I am in disbelief.

We did our best as parents with the resources we had available. Never did we suspect Dara Colt could possibly be in communication with our teenage daughter, putting ideas in her head. No one suspects Dara Colt was mentoring our daughter behind our backs.